My first week as an onsite 9-5 girl, onsite jobs are not for the weak. It was boring as hell giving that I was alone at the office while others worked remotely 3 days out of 5. I am thinking of quitting soon but maybe after I collect my first salary. I'll give myself 3 more weeks and if I don't like it, I'll quit no jokes.
I officially resumed work onsite today. I did a lot of paper signing and meetings. I even dozed off during my last meeting and when I was asked questions regarding what was been discussed, I blamed not hearing what the speaker had said on poor network connection. I still have more lined up for tomorrow and I do not look forward to them. 9-5 girlie!!
... $2000 N340,000
Numbers
Weekend Today was pretty basic, spent most of my morning on my couch. Made a pot pd chicken stew and ogbono soup. Had ogbono soup and eba for lunch and rice and chicken stew for dinner. Was meant to have a date at 6:30pm but the young lad didn't call or text until 8pm without an apology for not informing of his lateness on time. I read some of that nasty book and will read some more before I go to bed. AEDC officials disconnected my compound from power supply so I have to heat up the soup and stew tomorrow morning instead of refrigerating them.
I felt bad for not logging anything in the few days I missed and that's because my Instagram usage has gone back up, I've been engaging in more strenuous physical activities. I've been having anxiety induced dreams where I see a snake, different types and I either run from it or it gets killed. Asides from my new job stressing me out because the salary and cost of getting to and fro my job is on the high side, I am planning on moving places and the rents are ridiculously expensive. I made my hair today in preparation for work on Monday and I did my nails yesterday. I'll cook tomorrow. I saw a few places today and liked only one, it looked like where I'd want to call home really. It's very spacious, i can easily get to the bookshop on days I don't go to work, or to the gym and even to Next supermarket on weekends when it opens. I don't know if it's a good idea paying for the place, I don't know.
While at the salon, I read 50% of a book called Adanna, and honestly it was a terrible book. I believe that if the writer had sense, they'd have channeled their energy into writing a best seller rather than this sorry excuse of a story. Sometimes it feels like people just write books that portrayed their perverted fantasies. This book was one of them.
It's been a few days since I wrote a log and I do not plan on making this a habit. Confirmed that I got a job today that pays only 20% of my previous salary but has the job title I really wanted to have this year. Was on my lash tech's bed when I got a phone call asking me to come into the office to see the MD. Had to buy a new dress immediately cause I didn't want to make a bad first impression by wearing the bodycon one handed dress I had on. Had to move my nail appointment to meet up with the meeting with the MD. I know I should be happy but I'm not. I am grateful though for the opportunity though and I sincerely hope it opens doors for me.
New week, same me. I published two essays today and decided that one of them will be a part of a much larger project. I skimmed through different books with the aim of finding something that'll help me start my first or last chapters of "Creativity for non-creative folks". These were the only productive things I did today asides being at the gym.
I'd rather not speak on today cause I do not wish to remember it. I learnt a bit about Basquiat, his life and art style.
The best time to leave is the first time you thought of leaving, The longer you stay, the harder it gets, Time passes so fast, by the time one year passes, You'd regret why you didn't leave the first time. If you had, it would have been mere memories. But because you didn't, it's all regrets, And you're still in the same old shit, Planning to leave, but it's only harder. Next best time to leave is Now. Don't plan, just do it.
It's the weekend Time to unwind I went to the salon to loosen my hair, wash and re-braid it. I completed that book I started on tTuesday "Don't Answer When They Call Your Name" by Ukamaka Olisekwe. The book was mere, liked it because it took me a few days to cover it, would have taken me less than 5 days but doesn't matter. Had some banana bread fro breakfast, snacked on boiled groundnuts for lunch and had more banana bread for dinner.
Enjoyed my night.
I bought art supplies yet again and I haven't still created any art. Maybe I am not meant to create art? If not, why does it feel like I am struggling so bad? This is something I want to do but can't seem to get my head around it. I can't say inspiration is the problem as I very much try to read, write and consume the art works of others. How do I get myself to be creative or get in the creative mood?
I LIKE ART I WANT TO CREATE ART HOW DO I START CREATING? IT SEEMS LIKE HARD WORK, I HATE HARD WORK.
DOES MY HATE FOR HARD WORK MAKE MY CREATIONS LAZY ART? CAN I JUST FIND A NAME AND SLAP ON IT SO THAT NO ONE THINKS IT'S LAZY RATHER THEY SEE IT AS AN ART STYLE? WHY DO I HAVE TO 'LEARN' EACH TIME I WANT TO TRY SOMETHING NEW? CAN'T I JUST KEEP FAILING AT DOING IT UNTIL I EVENTUALLY GET GOOD? CAN THE FAILURES NOT BE NOTED AS FAILURES? WHAT IF THIS IS MY OWN STYLE, JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER STYLE OUT THERE?
IF I TELL YOU NOW THAT I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M SAYING, WHAT I WANT, WOULD YOU BELIEVE IT? I THINK I SHOULD JUST GO TO SLEEP SO I DON'T FEEL THIS WAY ANYMORE.
Thursday What a concept. Walked and worked out! Trained my clients... This will be my last month training them. Read, slept, read slept, downloaded a movie, watched a few minutes of it while having dinner, got bored, watched a tutorial on how to use Procreate, slept.
Rest day. I chose to rest today as Monday and Tuesday were quite stressful. I started reading one of the new books I got on yesterday, "Don't Answer When They Call Your Name" by Ukamaka Oliskwe. I've previously read a book from this author titled Ogadinma, it was a good book with a strong storyline, an interesting read. I did some drawing, watched an interview of Chimamnda Adiche by Trevor Noah, got a scam call as well, I must say, it was professionally done but I didn't fall for it. Later in the evening, I went to Steph's call to bar reception gathering at 3pm and came home at 6 where I continued my reading and later slept it I was woken up by knocks from Ada at some minutes to 12am. The day was mid, very infact, the highlight of my day was getting complimented by some lousy Igbo man who wanted my number for whatever reason, since this was at Steph's party hosted by her father, I gave it to him respectfully.
Today was yet another stressful day. I didn't really speak about yesterday for several few reasons of which I won't mention but I will speak on the strings of events in addition and relation to those of today.
I had a good leg day workout, trained my clients and headed to the bank right after. I got to the bank, made a withdrawal for a payment I was going to make in relation to my master's admission. I left the bank to the bookshop after I got what I had gone for. At the bookshop, my objective wasn't to go and work or sit down to read. I had bought a Game of Thrones inspired sketch book which cost a lot but I discovered after I had gone home after purchasing the book on Saturday that it was bad. The leather was peeling off of the body without any sort of friction. I was livid at this because I paid good money for it, so I had hoped to explain the issue to the book shop keeper and probably get it exchanged for another. All went well and then I headed to the Transcorp Hilton Hotel for a small business exchange and the Bureau de change in which I didn't later complete. I left the hotel lobby afterwards to go meet up with a friend at the market where I took her to some stores I had gotten stuff for my house when I moved places. It was a long day, the market runs tired me out, I had a very aching pain in my head that didn't go even after eating and drinking water. When I got home, I had to change and leave to deliver a birthday gift I got for my "uncle" I guess. I did deliver it after waiting in his office reception for more than an hour, he were grateful in both words and "notes". I went to Transcorp Hilton again because its close to his office with hopes of meeting the BDC guys and completing the transaction I wanted to do in the morning but they had closed for the day by the time I got there. I left for bannex right after where I got a cover for my laptop. I should have left after getting the cover but my ride took a while to arrive to I walked to Tulips Body Care store and got 2 body oils I have been trying to get my hands on for almost 2 years now. Got a clear lip gloss as well. When my ride arrived, I got home, changed again, and went to get pizza with my friend whom I went to the market to help. Came back home exhausted as hell, but I tried to get myself in order, had my bath, did some writing and went to bed.
Today, I got to the gym and trained my clients, then I went home with ST, ate, went to deliver a message, was gifted some books and "notes" which made me happy but not joyous for some reason. Got back to ST's and left for the bookshop right after. We both worked from there for like 5 hours or so before he dropped me off at home. And then, Steph visited with one of her friends and we all got dressed for Ada's CTB ceremony from mines. We got to the venue, waited for almost an hour for Ada our host to arrive. The dinner ceremony was okay, could have been organised better if the facility managers knew what they were doing. We left for a lounge after the dinner was over but by this time Steph and her friend had gone home. I got home past 2, I had by bath, put on one of Apostle Johnson Selman's messages and went to bed. Decided not to go to the gym cause I was tired and didn't see the need to since I went there on Tuesday already, wasn't supposed to but I can't exactly say no to my clients "yet".
At the time I'm writing this, I am exhausted, drained, both physically, emotionally and mentally. I need to lean on someone to stand straight. Today was a rollercoaster, starting from what today signifies in my life and to all the nerve racking events that took place. Grateful to be back in my home in one piece.
Things to ponder on:
- How would you like to be referred to in 5 years to come?
- What can you do to get there?
- What do you need?
- Is there a short term plan you can set for this long term goals?
Started the day with a 50 minutes walk as opposed to the 45 minutes run I had hoped to do. I had encountered a sharp discomfort on the right side of my stomach which made running difficult and to worsen issues, I had runner's itch. If there's anything that deters me running, it's runner's itch. I hate it so much, it causes me to feel like I am going to go mad. Everywhere gets itchy, from my stomach down to my shin. Even when I decided not to run and just walk instead, the itch was still being triggered, I felt completely irritated. But, I tried to complete the time I gave myself and happy I did.
After breakfast, I decided to go to the bookshop as I had planned. Went with the aim of finishing Ikigai which I eventually did. I started by re-reading some chapters I had read some months ago and got some insights which I have written about somewhere. I made these notes on my [[sticky notes]] as I usually do. I also went through some articles by Mark Manson, I really enjoyed reading his article on [5 Boring Ways to Become More Creative] as it gave me inspiration to write about [[creativity: everything is a remix]].
I bought an over priced sketchpad that turned out to have terrible leather, I'll be returning this on Monday, hopefully I get it changed. I also bought a bookcase that had a small notebook in it and Chimamanda's Notes on Grief which I plan to read tomorrow.
I met a former Editor and Illustrator at the Daily Trust Newspaper, a Nigerian newspaper company at the bookshop. Had a short chat with him, hopefully I am able to have him critic some of the disasters I write on here.
My night ended with an uneventful date, part of which was my fault but I'm honestly over it.
Today was eventful, grateful to God for that.
I finished reading An Orchestra of Minorities by Chigozie Obioma today and I was so happy to have finished that book. Read this book on my Kindle, and when reading, I always looked down at my reading progress percentage and it discouraged me cause I wonder why it moved slowly. It even made me think I was reading to slowly although I don't read with the aim of finishing in a given time frame. I saw the physical copy of this book, and my goodness, it was big 😂. I was like, "no wonder!!". Happy to have finished it. My next task is to finish Ikigai, started by re-reading some chapters and gained a few new insights to things I think I want to check out. Might do that tomorrow. I ended up not going to the bookshop today cause I had to go with a friend to her CTB shoot. Had a very good leg day before that. Hoping to do a 45 mins run tomorrow morning. Don't know if I'll be able to get up early for this but let's see.
Hi hi hi from my new MacBook!!!!! My new Tab and Pencil says hi as well. I'm really happy and excited about my new devices. Feels like a dream because I didn't even think it was going to be possible to buy any one of these things. I really wanted a Tab and along the line the need for a new Mac arose. Elated to have gotten both of them. I'm still very much trying to set them up in the most effective way possible. I think I want to visit the bookshop tomorrow, let's see how it goes.
Second day in July. I'm still very much recovering from the stomach aches I had yesterday. But not withstanding, I went to the gym and got some work in. Took small works to help my pelvic muscles. Went to somewhere called Bannex to see if I could get a good deal for my current laptop and buy a new one. Got a good deal for the current one but the new one was quite expensive and over my intended budget. I had to check a different store in a different state. Got a great deal and paid for express delivery. By this time tomorrow, I should have a new mac and ipad. Happy for me for real cause I didn't think I'd have an ew mac or ipad anytime soon. Really happy for me. I wish getting new work devices came with added productivity or inspiration, unfortunately it doesn't. TTYL.
It's a New Month! Happy First of July. This month didn't start of how I expected it to. In fact, I was hoping to have a productive day but it was far from that. Asides the painful stomach ache that kept me in bed for most of the morning. It rained for a good part of the day. Felt like the rain was welcoming us into a new Month in its own way. Who am I to complain about that? I tried very much to read and write everyday last month, no too much pressure, and I did it. I'm hoping to keep on with it this month. I am going to buy a tab for productivity. Hopefully it helps me read more articles and write more. Was hoping to walk more this month and maybe add in a couple of runs here and there but I don't know. I'll try and see. Happy first of July!
Today was an okay day. I didn't stress too much about anything. Kinda liked it. It also ended well. I sent the poem-ish I wrote to the person I wrote it about and it made my day end well cause the outcome was good. See youuuuu Going to have a night filled with kisses and cuddles.
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Today I did a lot of reading and writing. It's 19:48, I'm about to go to bed. I'll make a list of things I wish to do in July and then go to bed since I have nothing to do.
I went to a wedding today, the wedding was fun. Had someone from the opposite gender staring at me the whole time and until I left the reception this person couldn't summon the balls to come talk to me. A pussy!
Immediately I got into my ride home, I was washed with the same empty feeling I've been battling with for a while now.
Yet another day, grateful to be alive.
I got some new books today in addition to the pocket notepads I got yesterday. Upsides of being a girl, I didn't have to pay for anyone of them. Thanks to my sponsors.
I got Pigeon English by ..., How to Fail Successfully by ... and 3 harry potter themed pocket notepads. I also got some crayons and colored pencils. I tried to sketch in one of the 3 notepads that has no note lines. I drew boxes from different angles and of different shapes and sizes. I added new features to the former mini app which is now the new Minispace app. Slowly but surely, the app is improving.
Personally... I'm not fine, but let's put our energy into many little tasks so we don't dwell too much on not being okay.
In a state of (highness) Putting down my thoughts by punching keys on a pc and hoping the words I think I type are what's displayed to me on screen I'm learning to express my self in notes more freely. I don't think too hard I just start typing words until I have no words to type, just like I'm doing now I take pauses in between to rest and start again
I had an interview today thanks to nepotism Was called in for a chat but it felt more like an interrogation which is fine It was okay overall.
The rest of the day was weird, sort of. I'm not even joking when I say I've been trying to light myself up in the little ways I can but I'm unable to feel anything. I have no idea what's going on anymore and I hope it changes soon.
I wrote a poem today titled [[Shall I Write a Book?]]. This was supposed to be me brainstorming about an Art Project I wanted to start. I've been around books in the bookshop and I've been feeling like doing something interesting other than writing code, but nothing has been coming to my head. When I was much younger, I always had one or two artist projects that I embarked on. I learnt to make beads from my mum and sold the beaded necklaces I made to my classmates while in primary school. I made a wooden stool in my JSS1. I made hand-made cards in JSS2. I was really into designing all sorts of cards. I even bought a fountain pen to do calligraphy. I learnt to play volley ball. I made tie and dye. I learnt to sew and started making dresses. I started fashion blogging, made youtube. Wrote amateure poems. I got into oil painting in Uni. Learnt to code. Just a whole lot of things. I enjoyed creativity to the fullest. Now I'm torn at what to do. Should I pick up a new programming language? Should I start drawing and illustrating? Should I start writing more analog? Like keeping a zettelkasten or a [[commonplace book]]? Should I just focus on applying for new roles? I am now sitting at my work desk and I still don't know what to do. Most of my creative outputs have been ephemeral1 and I wish they weren't.
Footnotes
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[[ephemeral]] ↩
Ouuu another day and grateful to be alive. I'm hungry but grateful still. I'm tired but grateful still. I have nothing to boast of but grateful still.
Went to the gym today, not to workout though. Went to train 2 of my clients. Went to the bookshop afterwards
I wish I could properly articulate my thoughts at the moment but I feel really sleepy. My day was okay, had my clients come in at the gym. I was able to get in all my programs before they arrived.
Went to the book shop right after. Got a little work in, got back home, showered and ate. Worked some more and went to bed. When I say work, I mean I worked on this website and some other projects of mine.
Woke up this morning and started reading, I read and made notes from my reading for like 2 hours before I took a brief nap at 9.
I did a lot of reading and writing today. I also did some reflections.
I moved my old wordpress posts to archives and writings, been long overdue.
I'm currently feeling confused, tomorrow is Monday and I am meant to be in the gym but I don't even feel like it. I don't even feel like working on any new projects at the moment. I don't feel like doing anything for fun, at this point, I don't want to feel anything.
Reminder to re-read the blog post abput someone deleting her second brain and why
Lessons learnt today:
Avoid certain kinds of people
- Complainers
- Impatient people
- Back-bitters
- Shine teeth with you/talk trash behind you
- Show offs
- Victim players
- Non-confrontational people
Also, never be this kind of person either.
Be weary of what you say and to whom. Information when passed down from one person to another becomes soiled as words are mixed up or misconstrued.
Do not allow people who have no direct positive influence over your life to disturb your peace.
Avoid people(women) that are problematic. Try to be a non-problematic person yourself.
Be patient with people. When a person shows you a bad side, do not react! Respond and respond reasonably so that your words won’t be misunderstood, misinterpreted or misconstrued, then avoid them like a plague for your peace.
A lot of people are walking dead, be weary. Some are just trouble makers, avoid them like a plague.
You’re smart, intelligent, hardworking and a wearer of many hats. Guide your peace jealously. Treat your friends with kindness and respect and if they don’t reciprocate, cut them off. Be good to them, show up for them and if they don’t show up for you, cut them off.
Life is short to be worried over … things
I have written quite a number of things today that it feels like I am blank and have nothing more to write. I'll give an account of my day.
The day started lightly, went to the gym, worked out but not too hard because I am still sore from Tuesday's quads and glutes workouts and I had to train hamstrings and glutes today.
I came back home and read a couple of pages from one of my current reads, "Building a Second Brain" by Tiago Forte. Then I concluded work on my website for now. I have no design inspiration for the pages left to redesign or create so I'll just keep working on content for now until something clicks.
Closed the folder and opened the folder to NoteIt-Down. Currently, I can't work on multiple projects using different IDEs or even the same IDEs to avoid my mac hanging. It's 23:50pm and I just concluded work on the issue that made me abandon this project since last week. All is good for now until I find another bug.
Really didn't do more than this today. Hopefully tomorrow is more eventful.
Today I decided to move all my recent notes from Notion to Obsidian in an attempt to have more published notes instead of hiding them until I feel they're good enough to be published. My notes in every state should make it to publishing.
I went to Bannex, a place that one can call a Computer Village. I went to check for the prices of new devices like a MacBook, an iPad and a Stylus pen. The prices of things are really high. Either way, I hope to have my devices by this time next week.
Something is missing, I can feel it.
I hope to figure that out soon.
Today thought me that patience really matters. There are certain situations you find yourself in that you don't react in the moment. You follow it with maturity and patience. My actions although understandable would have been better if I was a little more patient and even more mature.
People act to see you react, know this so that you don't allow yourself to be used as entertainment because your reaction was laughbale.
Something good happened to me today but because I was busy worrying about a situation thatbwasn't worth my time or energy, I didn't have the strength to be happy. The day hasn't ended yet, so, I am happy I can finally upgrade my devices.
At the gym today I spoke with a man that made some analogies that have exposed the flaw in an action I took.
'If someone is sick, but still engaging in what is causing his sickness, would you rather he stayed at home or go to the hospital?' 'Would you rather send a stubborn child away to destroy himself because he is adamant to his dubious ways and unheeding to your advices or would you have him stay close by hoping that he changes some day?'
I gave the most obvious answer to both questions which made me realise that irrespective of what I think my relationship to God is supposed to be and irrespective of what it is, I should always stay close to him. It is easier for the enemy to get me when I stray far from God because of guilt. I suffer from guilt, when my ways are not right before him, I am consumed with guilt that makes me stay away from him until I right my wrongs but even in my wrong doings, staying far from him isn't the best thing to do.
After this encounter, I decided to get myself to be free from guilt.
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My day was mixed with emotions of all sorts. This is because I unknowningly allow people determine my mood and I shouldn't. Giving human beings that much power over my life/mood is obviously not the best and I need to make a conscious effort to live life in a way where people offending me or trying to provoke me won't cause my mood to be altered.
Your mind is for having ideas, no holding them. - David Allen author of Getting Things Done.
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Woke up at 7:00am, Went for a walk, I've always wanted to go for a walk with this friend of mine. So I was happy when they asked to go with me. Got back, made breakfast, got paid in full for the breakfast. An amazing time was had ngl.
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I battled with poor network yet again, which made me unproductive for most part of the day.
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Started reading Building a Second Brain, where I got the quote above. I started writing on 'Information Overload'. I have a good foundation for that essay, I'll read a few more articles and try to build it up to 500 words at least.
Most of my notes need to be updated so they can become full essays for consumption.
There are certain things i have chosen not to write about in my logs because I believe that putting them here means I allowed them the power to affect me in one way or another and that I would remember them for as long as they are up so I won't be updating such events here.
On that note, one does not start a fire where one sleeps so I have decided to put out the smoke before it starts a fire.
Learnt two new words today:
"Sonder" In my words: The realization that everyone including strangers on the street is living a life as unique as yours. They have their own friends, troubles, worries, inherited craziness etc. They are the protagonist in their own story and you're just a cast.
"Circumlocution" In my words: using one too many words when fewer words can be used.
Was invited to a super nice wedding party today by another of my clients and then lounge hopped afterwards with friends with no luck for a nice time.
An eventful evening.
Writing this log from a birthday dinner / party. The music is so loud, I cant properly articulate my thoughts. Im not a party person unless i'm out with people i like and tonight i'm alone.
Today was a pretty chill day.
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Living in Nigeria is the actually ghetto. Imagine living within the metropolitan area of the federal capital territory where the prices for rent are crazy high and you cannot boost of stable network coverage.
Gutters!
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Re-read "We should all be feminist" and indeed it is a good book, and was a great speech.
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Currently spending time with my good friend. The night ended well.
There's a particular feeling I feel right now. Somewhat like nothingness, emptiness, a void that needs to be filled up so badly. I find to fill this void using a person, a project, books and activity but I fail. Nothing fills it up, they start but get to a point and they stop. Soon, all I was filled with starts draining leaving me empty yet again.
This is the state I find myself currently.
The weather today was quite calm, the sun came out on time but it wasn't too hot. I did a lot of resting after writing the to-do list for this website. I've been treating building this website like a marathon but the fun in it is I can keep adding new features and making updates. I've been treating it like I have a deadline when I don't.
After my morning workout, I started working at 9am, took a break at 11:40am. Started reading a new book "The Orchestra" by . A good part of this book is written in my local dialect(Igbo). I felt ashamed when I was mispronouncing words and couldn't even read short phrases and single line sentences on my first or second trials.
I should read more short Igbo books to help me learn to speak and read the language rather than going to learn French (yet another man's language).
I took a long and needed nap before I resumed work again. Didn't work for long though, ate and went back to reading and then slept there after. I'm up now to write this log after which I'll retire for the night finally.
Today was a nice day, started on a good note and it's ending on a chill one. Had an unplanned and impromptu brunch with a friend and his friends, played basket ball too. I haven't had something like this before and it was nice. The food was good, although I hardly contributed in the conversation, it allowed be to stuff my mouth without too much distractions.
Since I want to read and write and build and make art and apply for jobs, I am going to stop working on my projects the way I do. I'll make a todo list of all the things I want to add, fix or achieve with my projects. Then I'll break it down into small tasks that will span across 2 weeks or as many weeks as I need.
This will allow me have time for other things. When I complete a task, I can then focus on something that isn't coding because through out today, I was coding. I did take a 10mins instagram break, read a few articles, but I'd like to do more than a few, read a book too just like I did during [[my 75 soft challenge]] and then take notes, write my daily log, sketch, send out some applications, surf the web a little and sleep.
I'll try to plan this tomorrow and see how it goes.
Completed the book 'Who Moved My Cheese?' which I started last year. Pretty good book. I'll have my review up on my braindump app.
Am I Hem?
Started at 23:52pm
As you must have guessed, it's wuite late, I'm tired, my shoulder aches, my butt hurts but I'm up doing Gid knows what.
I had a couple of things I wanted to add to my website
[1] Switch '/stack' to '/uses'
[2] Add a Guestbook page
[3] Add a Web manifesto page
[4] Remove compulsory user auth from '/ask-me-anything' page
[5] Restructured my layout so that I can have sites without the sidebar (no-sidebar) and those with sidebar (with-sidebar). I think I'll move my playground projects to this layout \
I done did all these and I feel good.
I read 'Who Moved My Cheese' by Dr Spencer Johnson. I started reading this book last year after someone recommended it to me. Based on my kindle, I am 89% done. Will most likely finish it tomorrow. Then I'll be able to give a review or deop notes.
Complete and done at 00:00am
It's a pretty calm day, the sun isn't out, the weather is cool. A nice day for a coffee date or a picnic.
But I feel blue today, I haven't been really happy for a while. I have nothing to look forward to, I have nothing going on for myself. I just am. Each time I want to just stay and not do anything, I end up doing something just so that I am not idle and thinking of all the things that aren't okay with me at the moment. I don't feel guilty for hopping from one project to the other, if that will help me stay sane, then I'll do it and I'll keep doing it. As long as I am not engaging in any vices.
I'm currently at a bookshop workspace, battling with the aching nerve on my right arm. Its a bit chilly but that's fine. Multiple times, I look outside the big wglass wall to look at the moving vehicles and get lost in thoughts. Sometimes I think, what would life be like if my mum was still here? Would I have made less mistakes, would she have helped me in any way? I miss her so much on days like this. Maybe I'd have called her and cried over the phone, maybe she'd have asked me to come back home for a while, maybe, maybe, I guess I'll never know.
I know I'll get depressed if I let myself be which is why I pour all my energy into this. They're outlets, they take my mind off things and because no one understand that, they'll think I just have a problem of hopping from one thing to the other.
It's now 22:01 in the evening and it is raining cats and dogs. I updated my website and it made me a little happy because I've been really busy with other things and haven't made any reasonable updates in more than 2 weeks.
My logs from yesterday and the day before is a bit messy. I'll have to clean it up.
Started the day with a 30 mins on Instagram but I immediately had to balance that out with 2 hours of reading.
I read "Steal Like an Artist" by Austin Kleon. It was an incredible read because it was short, easy to go through, engaging, and I was able to learn a lot from it. I will be reading it again. It gave me some new ideas for Minispace (that was what I was thinking about while reading) and I took notes which I'll be dropping in my bookshelf.
Today I decided to re-evaluate the reason I started building the Minispace.dev app. The vision isn't mine, but the idea is cool, I'm just not executing properly. So I will leave it for now and try to do something different. Maybe a pivot. Let me try a fresh idea, one that would be exciting to maintain and cost effective as well. One that wouln't need marketing, one that would make me happy to work on even if people don't find it.
In April of 2025 I got introduced into vibe coding and I've been exploring building different tools, ideas and basically anything that came to mind, many of which have been abandoned due to me not been able to afford many of the tools I used. Some of these projects are ones that I dearly want to see to the end and I've taken a step back to actually learn the languages used in building them so that I can possibly complete them myself, rebuild them or have a better understanding of them.
In so doing, I have decided to go back to working with html and css. My projects won't be abandoned, I will only allow them to grow weed for a while so I can come back with better perspective on how to go about them.
I want to read more, write more and learn more and vibe coding isn't the way to go about this.
Everyone... okay not everyone, most people. Most people have that one thing or 2 that they enjoy collecting, could be physical or digital. For a long time, I had no idea what that was for me but I found out today.
Last month I started building this notes app, it was supposed to be dead simple and then I started wanting more features, the features meant, more lines of code, which meant more complexities, which meant more bugs and so on.
I started curating links to webrolls and postroll on my notes app NoteIt-Down in May and on this faithful day, a bug I didn't know existed decided to show forth its ugly head by making me lose my notes twice that day.
First one to go was my Blogroll note, this had almost a hundred links to portfolios, digital gardens, personal websites, web directories and misc. Just like that I lost it.
How did this happen? / What was the bug? For context, my notes app is a single page with a header, sidebar and editor. You can switch between different notes, and they would appear on the editor. But little did I know that my app was using a single editor state for multiple notes at some point either due to a buggy update or probably been like that without me knowing.
It kind of stopped resetting / re-initializing the editor when I switched notes and accidentally referencing the same state object in memory for different notes. This made me lose a couple of my notes (3 out of my top 10) and I sat in the bookshop and cried because I loved what I had done with my 'Blogroll' and 'Stuff to Add to Lilyslab' notes.
But I didn't beat my self too much, I tried to recover them but to no avail. I immediately went to my browser and browser history and got back those which I could.
Later that evening, I lost 'Postroll' note, and was super infuriated. I had an old backup for 'Postroll' which was only a few days old, so I went to my browser history and got a good number of my recent post additions back and even more as I started going down rabiit holes again.
The lesson for me at the end of the day today was; I can fall 3 times, but I'll get back up 3 times stronger.
Oh and I need an Ipad cause I'd like to stay reading, stay exploring and going down rabbit holes without using my macbook and most definitely not with my iPhone.
From: A Website is a Room "Unfortunately, the original Google Sheet containing all previously shared urls was lost in a school-wide data wipe. Part of me would like to rebuild this index to what it once was, but maybe there is something beautiful about letting information be lost forever and starting anew (after all there are still artifacts of its previous state floating around)."
It's 5:12am (18th May) in the morning as I sit in front of my mac writing this. I woke up due to my tummy rumbling as a consequence of the nasty salad I had last night.
Anyway, I enjoy working in the morning, there's no distraction or noise as everyone is asleep, no one's texting you and no sun so the weather is cool.
I had a couple of issues to tend to as regards the notes app i built for drafting my writings, notes or linkedin content.
It seemed like a better choice for me rather than opening my noes app each time i needed to write.
I love how simple the interface looks, I have everything i need in here and can add any features i want but I love it minimal so no new features. You can check it out too at noteit-down.
I am thinking of migrating back to notion for my content management as the only reason i use obsidian is to manage my content. I tried notion and t worked until i encountered so many issues that made me stop using it. Maybe trying one more time wouldn't hurt.
9:17am I am back to reading other people's blog and exploring their sites. I have found some blogging sites that provide people with easy access to creating their own mini space on the internet. Many of it works but lacks a fine ui design or they just look bad. This is why I want to build something similar but with better visuals and themes, I believe this will be a good playground for me as it is going to be a project I keep updating as I will use users feedbacks to update and even make new themes which seems like a whole lot of fun.
This means I can abandon some of the projects I started working on for now at least.