I don't know what to do, I don't know what to think, it's almost like I don't know how to live.
I have my own life, my own friends and my own routine.
I had a life outside my relationship but the moment the relationship ended, it felt like a big part of me ended too.
It felt like I didn't know who I was without them.
This is where refinding myself starts.
But then, I still have myself, so what exactly am I finding?
What do I do from 6pm to 12am?

I actually have an idea what I can do.
I can write.
I can design products for my business.
But I don't even feel like doing all those.

This was the time we spent together, so now I don't know what to do with that time.
We did everything together.
We played sport.
We went shopping.
We had dinner.
We watched movies and shows.
I enjoyed sharing the same space with them.
It wasn't all rosy, don't get me wrong.
But even that was part of the spice to give the relationship taste.

"Red Bull gives you wings"
That's how I felt with this person.
Like I could be as creative as I want.
They were like my backbone.
They made me confident enough to explore the creative field.
Now that they're not here, I feel incapacitated.
I feel like I fell down 10 stories and can no longer move a limb.
I don't find joy in the little things anymore.
It's like the joy left with them.

I want to be strong and confident again.
I want to go back to creating.
I want to have the will to live and the will to create.
I want to learn to love again.
But love hurts.

It hurts more than you can imagine.
It has taken the breath out of me, so much that I think I'd die.
I feel like I don't know how to breathe.
Like I don't know how to exist.
I don't want to be around anyone.
I don't want to do anything.
But that wouldn't help now, would it?

Finding myself now means I have to let go of the life we shared.
I miss that life.
But it's over now.
So, where do I begin?