I have loved before but what happened to that love?
Who am I no longer loving this person?
Do we love to un-love?
How am I able to go on loving someone else when the one I previously loved still lives and breathes?
How do I know it is even love I feel?
Is it because fifty percent of the thoughts I have a day are of this person?
Is it because they are the first person I think of when I wake up in the morning and the last person I think of before I retire for the night?
What if I don't want to love again because my feelings are never being reciprocated?
What if I'm not loving this person the way they want to be loved but how I want to be loved?
What if I actually don't know how to love?
I might think I do but what if I don't?

I might not know what love is but I think about you all the time and I mean all the time. When I wake up in the morning and tap on my phone to check the time, I think about you. I always hope when my screen brightens up that I see your name with a notification. When I go to brush my teeth and I see your toothbrush properly tucked away in its case, I think of you. I think of you when I go to shower and I see the liquid soap you gave to me. The container is empty but I leave it standing on the shelf because it reminds me of you. When I go to get ready for the gym and I come across any of your shirts, I can't help but think of you. I am reminded of you when I go to my shoe rack to pick up a shoe to wear because we shopped them together. When I take a walk to the gym, I think of you because I can't wait to see you. Walking is an activity I wish we did together more often so I can't help not to think of you. In the gym, I think of you because there's a high possibility of you showing up there. I think of you when I leave the gym because I wish you would take me home.
I can go on and on about the different times during the course of my day that I think of you.

I always wish I could stop myself, detach from this feeling but it seems to be out of my hands. If I am asked why I love you, I won't be able to answer because I have no idea why I do.

Maybe I don't love you, maybe it's the idea of you that I love.
I always wished that you never came into my life.
I am washed with this strange feeling of embarrassment because you've given me reasons to leave and let you be but the more I try to stay away the more I yearn for you.
I can't even blame you anymore.
I should leave, I really should.
I'm scared of moving on because it means starting this whole unproductive process all over again.
I am being patient and waiting for when I leave this town and no longer see you. It'll be easy to move on. Out of sight, out of mind.
Your presence is a constant reminder and if I don't see you, I won't be reminded.