I was reading Ikigai today and came across two questions and I'll answer both.
Why not commit suicide?.
- I can't cause yet another pain to my family
- I want to know how this story ends
- I really want to achieve greater heights
- There's so much I want to see and explore
- I know I have so much undiscovered and untapped potential
- And I need to leave half empty at least
How do you feel with where you are currently in your life?
- I feel somewhat empty
- Unfulfilled
- Lacking
- I feel like a fraud
- I don't know what next I should do
- I feel like I have no motivation to move unto the next stage of my life
- I do not even know what that next stage is or should be
I know that I'm having existential frustration at the moment, but I have no idea what to do to stop it and to find meaning to my life. I also know that the feeling of emptiness is as a result of the lack of a job or do I say, the lack of passion for something. The inability to do certain basic things for myself, without relying on someone else, makes me feel inadequate. And this feeling of inadequacies doesn't help but make me feel small.
As I get older, I realize that, the life I was rushing to grow up and experience, is a lot more harder than I had thought it to be. Someone said something to me a few weeks back that not only brought me to face reality, it felt like, getting whipped with the canes used on cows. He said to me, "No one is coming to save you. I repeat, no one is coming to save you.". And that's the reality of adulthood, you have to take charge and save yourself, because, indeed, no one is coming to save you. Another truth is, while trying to save yourself, you can seek help when you can't do it alone.
We all need help and guidance sometimes. I know I need help, but within my very small circle, I doubt any one of the people I know can offer me the kind of help I currently need. I know someone would tell me to "Look unto the Lord", which is fair, but I have tried, and maybe I am doing it wrong. I believe he can guide me to do it right, and I hope he does. This emptiness I feel, I hope he fills it up with his love, joy and peace, so I can be full of him, and not hunger, or thirst anymore.
This is a silent cry for help, to him, to come to my aid, and rescue me for I have accepted that I can't do it on my own.