I really want to understand why I let my plants die.
I've always wanted plants for the longest.
I usually go through the pages of shops and communities about plants.
I even owned clay and ceramic plant pots long before I ever owned a plant.
I tried to buy seeds to grow on my own but the sellers already stopped their business before I made my decision to purchase an envelope of seeds. It made me sad.
When I finally had the opportunity to own a plant, I got a big pink and white splattered plant pot first. When I bought my first plant, I was happy. I looked after it. I got several others immediately after. I cared for them because how they look and fared was dependent on the love and care I showed them.
Then I had to go on a rather long holiday. I planned for it to last a week or less but not more. But unfortunately for me, it lasted two weeks more.
My first plant died.
This plant came in a pot made of cement covered in black paint and splatters of white and red paints.
It was saddening but I didn't feel too bad since I had 5 other water plants still thriving.
Not until my mental and physical health started deteriorating due to lack of love, care and affection.
It affected my output of love and care to my plants.
I saw and watched them wilt one leaf at a time.
The water in the bottles changed color from clear to yellow and some to green. The spirogyra had no mercy too as they made the water filthy.
Not until writing this, I realized input matters. You can't give what you don't have or what you lack. When it became obvious that I lacked love was when my plants started to suffer.
This isn't just about external love being received, it is also about internal love which is within.
Do I love myself?
Do I show enough care to myself?
My plants answered these questions when they started wilting.
If you can't care for small things such as a plant or a pet, how much more care can you give to a human?