I really want to understand why I let my plants die.
I've always wanted plants for the longest.
I usually go through pages of shops
and communities about plants on the internet.
I even owned clay and ceramic plant pots
long before I ever owned a plant.
I tried to buy seeds to grow on my own
but the sellers already stopped their business
before I made my decision to purchase.
It made me sad.

When I finally had the opportunity to own a plant,
I got a big pink and white splattered plant pot first.
When I bought my first plant,
I was happy.
I looked after it.
I got several others immediately after.
I cared for them because how they looked
and faired was dependent
on the love and care
I showed them.

Then I had to go on a rather long holiday.
I planned for it to last a week or less
but not more.
But unfortunately for me,
it lasted two weeks more.

My first plant died.
This plant came in a pot made of cement
covered in black paint
and splatters of white
and red paints.
It was saddening
but I didn't feel too bad
since I had 5 other water plants still thriving.

Not until my mental and physical health
started deteriorating
due to lack of love, care and affection.
It affected my output of love and care to my plants.
I saw and watched them wilt one leaf at a time.
The water in the bottles changed from clear
to yellow and some to green.
The spirogyra had no mercy too
as they made the water filthy.

Not until writing this,
I realized input matters.
You can't give what you don't have or what you lack.
When it became obvious that I lacked love was when my plants started to suffer.

This isn't just about external love being received,
it is also about internal love which is within.
Do I love myself?
Do I show enough care to myself?
My plants answered these questions when they started wilting.
If you can't care for small things such as a plant or a pet,
how much more care can you give to a human?